Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
