im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
