This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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