So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
