lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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