around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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