so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
