I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
