instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
