I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
