walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
