My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
