"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
