I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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