So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
