I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
