I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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