so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
