so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
