Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
