You're my little dorito
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
