i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
