he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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