that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
