3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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