hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
