i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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