dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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