youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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