I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
