nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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