I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
