so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
