new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize