Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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