Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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