I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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