you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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