He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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