I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
