did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
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booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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