What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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