I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
