i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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