Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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