I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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