i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
