that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
