So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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