So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
