I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.