I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.