I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
