Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset