Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need a beard to bite.