dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?