ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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