WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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