Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
