My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
