I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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