wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
