yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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