I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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