Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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