Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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