Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just gift wrapped bread.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
