So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
