You work out of a Hotel?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
