I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
