Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
