Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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