it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
