so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
